One of the typical advice by old couples is this: Leave the past in the past.
But for those who have experienced this, you will agree that it is easier said than done.
Sometimes in the emotional state, you tend to bring up things that already happened in the past. This is to make your argument somehow valid.
And more often than not, bringing up the past escalates the misunderstanding of the couple.
So what should be done to avoid the tendency to include past mistakes?
Calm Yourself Down First
If you know that an argument is about to happen and you will know that you will be in an emotional state, move yourself away from the situation, place or room.
Calm yourself down first before you face your loved one. Take a deep breathe. This helps a lot in letting yourself focus on the issue at hand and not on the past.
Think Before You Speak
Yes, you might think, ‘Like I can really think clearly at the moment?’
But if you follow the first advice then you will be able to think better before you talk.
Play the scenario in your head of what message you want to get across.
Sometimes, what is an issue to you may not be an issue to the other person so you have to be specific in your thought and words.
Practice The Right Way To Communicate
People when in an argument tend to make the other person feel bad. Pointing the finger to the other person as if attacking them. So instinctively, the other one will put up a defense.
That’s a big opportunity to think of the past mistakes and add it in the emotional speech.
The right way to do it is letting the other know what you feel when he or she does something.
Example: I know you are not used to putting your clothes away but I feel that when you do that you do not care or not willing to help around the house. If you can just take a little time to do that I would really appreciate it very much. It shows that you love me in the small things.
See? Very short but on point and it does not make the other person feel you are attacking them.
So the next time you are having a misunderstanding, do not let the past mistakes resurface. Instead, make it a goal to understand each other more and know how to better communicate.
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